Eye Contact … That Isn’t Creepy

Let’s start with the obvious: clearly, it’s best to look somebody in the eye when you’re talking with them, display positive body language, and exhibit postures that project confidence. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s examine multiple scenarios where these elements come into play. We’ll start examining eye contact with speeches.

A common question I get is, “Where should I look when I’m giving a speech?” It’s a great question with a straightforward answer, which is: at one point or another, you want to engage everybody in the house. From the first row to the back, from the left side to the right, every single person in the audience is important. That doesn’t mean looking at everyone simultaneously by darting your eyes and head around the room. If you do that you won’t connect with anybody. When you’re giving a speech there’s no rush and you don’t need to engage the entire house at once. Take your time, and trust that you’ll connect with everyone at some point.

How Long To Look At Someone:

Different coaches will tell you different things regarding how long you should look at a person before addressing someone else. A common length of time that gets floated around is five seconds; which is to say you should spend no more or no less than five seconds on a person before moving your eyes elsewhere. To me that’s highly impractical because if you’re concentrating on your delivery you certainly don’t want to be counting to five in your head. That seems like a guaranteed way to throw you off your game, and, depending on what you’re saying, a long time to look at somebody.

Here’s what I suggest instead. If you’re making an important point, keep your eyes locked where they are for the duration of that point. Whether they’re on a specific person or a section of the audience. If the point concludes at the end of a sentence or two, looking at one person is probably fine. If the point is longer or feels more like a monologue, it will probably be uncomfortable (for both of you) to look at one person the entire time, so expand your eyeline to a section, or a few rows.

Here’s a great example of some seriously uncomfortable eye contact.

Eye Contact As A Storytelling Instrument:

Then – to heighten the drama – when you’ve finished your point pause for a beat to let it sink in, and shift your gaze to another person, or section of the audience, and speak your next point to them. You can even walk the stage in that direction as you speak but stop moving and stand tall as the message gets meaningful and you drive it home. When you’ve finished that point, pause again and address a new section of the audience with your next point. Essentially, you’re shifting focus both verbally and physically with each new talking point to captivate the entire audience. In your head, visualize how powerful this looks. Your eyes, your movements, and your words all share a singular purpose: to elicit emotion. The presentation is choreographed, but with practice it will seem spontaneous and authentic, and will be supremely engaging.

Whether you use that approach or not, understand no matter where you’re looking, if you’re doing your job as a dynamic storyteller the entire audience will feel connected to you. Think of a great concert you’ve seen live. In those moments when the lead singer wasn’t looking in your direction but was absolutely singing her heart out, you were totally and completely engrossed. In fact, you were probably singing along with her.

What About When You’re On TV?:

Let’s shift to television, and what to do with your eyes and your body when you’re on camera. Starting with your eyes, during a TV interview it’s usually best to look at the host and ignore the camera. There are times when you can address the camera directly − such as the beginning of a segment when the host is introducing you, the end of the segment when the host is thanking you, and any demonstrations you perform − but by and large, if a host asks you a question, answer it to them. It feels more natural and conversational and, in many cases, minimizes the anxiety you’re feeling about the camera. In fact, the more you concentrate on talking to the host the more likely you are to forget that you’re on television.

A TV set can be an intimidating place due to all the cameras, lights, camera operators, and various crewmembers. There’s often pointing and gesturing. Most of which has nothing to do with you. But it can certainly mess with your concentration. If possible, don’t look at any of that stuff and stay focused on storytelling.

Don’t feel like you’re missing an opportunity to connect with the audience by looking at the host. A TV studio will usually have multiple cameras and one of them will have a close-up of your face. When you’re talking to the host there’s a good chance the director will make your close-up camera “active” so the audience can get a good look at you. Just do your thing as a storyteller and leave it to the experts on set and in the control room to make you look great.

Eye Contact At Networking Events And Job Interviews:

Finally, regarding one-on-one interactions at networking events and job interviews, posture and eye contact are critically important. That said, you can’t stare at somebody the entire time. The person may think you’re trying to intimidate them or establish dominance. It’s okay to look away occasionally, especially if it’s a long conversation. That said, it’s better to look away from someone when you’re talking to them, as opposed to when they’re talking to you. As you’re talking, find some moments where you can glance up or to the side, typically when you are thinking of what to say next. Try not to look down, though. That is a negative gesture that suggests a lack of confidence. 

You may wonder how you’re supposed to maintain eye contact if the person talking to you is boring and won’t stop rambling. Well, much like a host interviewing a guest on TV, you need to figure out a way to be genuinely interested in that person’s story. It is much easier to be engaged with your eyes and your nonverbal gestures when you’re truly interested, as opposed to when you’re pretending to care. Even if it’s only short-term interest and you’ll forget all about it in five minutes, get engaged and be present with your eyes. 

Contact Dave for public speaking coaching in Miami, Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, and throughout the United States.