Stop Saying “Um” Now

Do you need to stop saying “um”? If so, you’re, um, not alone.

Most people use verbal crutches when they speak. In fact, there are plenty of professional television hosts and motivational speakers who use them more frequently than you might think. Some of the more common verbal crutches are “um,” “like,” “so,” and “you know,” and there are many others. Throwing in an occasional “um” certainly isn’t the end of the world, but when you string a few verbal crutches together or include them in every sentence it can negatively impact your ability to be a successful communicator. Here’s an example of a sentence destroyed by verbal crutches: “So, um, like, the point I’m trying to, um, make is, you know, that, um, verbal crutches are, like, bad.” 

It hurt to even type that sentence. Verbal crutches can clutter your performance and ultimately shatter your confidence. When you’re giving a speech or taking part in an interview, you want to be focused on delivering your message with energy and passion. You certainly don’t want to be thinking about how many times you’re saying “um.” 

How You Can Stop Saying Um:

With that said, let’s go about, um, like, you know, addressing the problem. First, this is yet another reason why it’s crucial to record yourself before a speaking engagement. It’s hard to know just how frequently you use verbal crutches if you’ve never actually seen or heard yourself do it. Before your next performance, get out your phone, or a video camera, and record your rehearsal. It might be painful to watch − or you may be pleasantly surprised − but either way you’ll have a better understanding as to what you need to fix. The first step in getting rid of the crutches, or at least minimizing them, is to be aware that they exist.

In my opinion, the main reason people say things like “um,” “like,” or “you know” is because they’re afraid of silence and they think it makes them seem unintelligent. In fact, the opposite is true. Silence, as a speaker, can be your best friend and you should strive to embrace the “power of the pause.” If you do it correctly, a pause can be suspenseful, compelling, and captivating, and can frame you as incredibly thoughtful. 

Watch a successful politician answer a tough question and you’ll see how well they employ pausing. We’ll get to crisis communication and answering difficult questions later, but for now just know that pausing before you reply is usually a much better strategy than blurting out something you may regret or filling the space with “um.” Pausing, especially at the beginning of a sentence, gives you a chance to frame your answer and control the narrative. Any time you speak in public, what you say may be recorded. In most cases it will be recorded and, for better or worse, could go viral. Blurting out an answer because you’re afraid of a second of a silence isn’t a smart strategy.  

The Power Of The Pause:

Pausing isn’t just a way to reframe your thoughts, it’s also a way to add intrigue and excitement to your presentation. A masterful speaker will pause on purpose for dramatic effect. In those cases, you can see audience members lean forward, hanging on the speaker’s next word. When you combine pausing with energy and dynamic storytelling, oh man, you’re going to be unstoppable. Whether you like his politics or not, watch video of Barack Obama speaking. He takes his time, carefully considers every word, and pauses frequently … but not in a way that’s boring or distracting. His pauses are powerful, and he follows those pauses with dynamic talking points and soundbites. It’s impressive to watch. If he filled those moments of silence by saying “um” and “you know,” he wouldn’t be nearly as well regarded from a speaking standpoint.

It will feel weird at first, so you need to practice replacing your crutches with silence. Especially at the beginning of sentences; that’s when it’s most noticeable for the listener. Think about answering any challenging question. If somebody asks you something difficult about your career, your goals, or something else, and your first word is “um,” that doesn’t sound like you’re confident and excited about the answer. It sounds like you’re unsure. However, a quick pause to gather your thoughts followed by an enthusiastic delivery (which may include another couple of well-placed pauses) will make your answer truly memorable. And it’s a great way to stop saying “um.”

One “um” Is Not The End Of The World:

Understand you’re not going to cure your verbal crutch problem immediately. Chances are, you’ve been using them for a long time. It’s going to take a while before you drastically reduce your crutches. Here’s a secret: I still say “um” occasionally.  What can I say, it happens to all of us; we all throw in a crutch from time to time. Therefore − and this is very important − if you’re giving a speech, conducting an interview, or shooting a social media video and you hear yourself deliver a verbal crutch, don’t dwell on it. Don’t beat yourself up, just move past it, and keep talking. Nobody is counting your “um’s'” unless you say them excessively. Say the crutch, move along, and keep your focus. Remember, when it comes to getting rid of your crutches, like everything else in this book, it’s progress, not perfection.

Slowing Down Has Numerous Benefits:

Another benefit of embracing the “power of the pause” is that it’s a great way to break you from the habit of talking too quickly, which is a really common problem for people who struggle with public speaking. Typically when people get nervous, be it is as a public speaker, a broadcaster, or as a guest on television, they have a tendency to talk very fast. The more nervous they are, the quicker they speak. When you talk fast, a couple of unfortunate things happen. First, you become more difficult to understand and some of the messaging you worked so hard to cultivate gets lost. Second, talking fast can convey a sense that you are unsure of yourself. In other words, you’re speaking very quickly because you want to get the words out before somebody can correct or refute them.

The next time you find yourself on stage or on set and you feel yourself talking a mile a minute, settle into it, figure out a way to take a beat, and pause to catch your breath and reset. Think about what we covered in the poise section: you have every right to be on that stage or that TV set, and you don’t need to rush to get out of there. Own your time and own your message. Of course, in the case of television your interview may only be a few minutes and you can’t overstay your welcome, but still, don’t rush. Make every second − and every word − meaningful. 

Stop Saying “Um” And Start Owning The Room:

If you’re concerned that by speaking slower you won’t be able to get all your talking points in, you may very well be right. However, a few effectively articulated points will serve you much better than a whole bunch of points you speed through and don’t properly explain. Again, you want to be memorable, and you want to inspire curiosity. You can always end an interview or speech by directing people to your website so they can learn about what you didn’t get to cover. You − and your marketing team − will be thrilled if viewers and audience members go to your website after watching you perform.

Take your time, embrace the pauses, and speak thoughtfully and clearly. Remember, you own the stage, so give your talking points the care they deserve.

Contact Dave for public speaking coaching in Miami, Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, and throughout the United States.